I am a member of a small fundamentalist congregation in the Midwest of our country. While our group has been undergoing rather radical self examination of the overly conservative views we have held for so many years, the basic homophobic essence that underscores the beliefs of the majority of straight Christianity was jarred more than usual at a recent meeting of our "Spokesmen Club." During a topics session in which a moderator leads a discussion of various topics of his choosing, the light opening topic "should America buy Siberia from Russia" elicited an emotion jarring comment.

"I think we should buy it; but instead of making it part of the territorial U.S. we should set it up as a separate nation, like the Jews did Israel, and send all the homosexuals over there thus solving ‘the problem’."

Most of the members in attendance responded with laughter, some somewhat uncomfortably but laughing none the less. Nobody stood up to declare the impropriety or insensitivity of the remark. I sat in stunned disbelief, starring across the room at two gentlemen who I was sure were gay. They looked back at me mirroring the same hurt and sadness I was feeling. Our minister entered late a few minutes later; and at the mid point refreshment break they spoke to him before leaving together. Both these men were individuals who I had attempted to get to know better, mentioning that I was a safe person to talk with. Although we shared many views on life and society, no private confidences had been shared between us. I was sure I would never again see these caring and intelligent men I so desired to know.

As I sat through the second half of the meeting, I paid scant attention to the words of the assigned speakers of that evening; thinking back on the events of my life which had first formed my own homophobia and then cured it. First having been raised by staunchly conservative parents, then becoming a Bible waving know-it-all, the trials of life had finally formed me into the "flaming liberal" of the moderate conservatives. My chief position in our group was that of a catalyst for original thought within the herd mentality of a tight _____ congregation, but this situation strained even my maverick sense of fairness. Why hadn’t I spoken out? I hadn’t laughed with the rest of them, but only my ‘friends’ had noticed. I had missed a chance to exhibit the true Christian credo. I wanted, after club, to correct the offending commentator; but I felt strangely hesitant. Before leaving, I noticed the offender being led into a private room by the minister and his assistant. At least someone was saying something.

At the next church service, I was relieved to see both members in attendance. Even more relieved was I to observe the offender speaking at length to one of the offendees. As I spotted and approached the other of the two, I happily noticed that the two were warmly smiling as the animatedly carried on their conversation.

I spoke openly with both men that day and found that one, a psychologist who counseled young men with substance abuse problems, was indeed gay. When I mentioned that I had suspected so, he corrected my assumption that his younger room mate was also gay. He has, since then with Frank's help, gotten his life together. The young man is presently married with one beautiful daughter.

This points up the danger of assumptive thinking. Just because the two lived together, traveled around together, and had walked into a gay frequented restaurant wherein my wife and I were having dinner, I had assumed they were both gay. I wasn’t sure, but I was sure. In truth, Frank had felt Jerry needed an opportunity to get back on his feet after kicking an alcohol problem and had offered to let him share his apartment for whatever he could afford. A nice guy who lived his religion, unlike many of the rest of us pretenders.

Frank then added that he had felt like leaving our congregation, as other gay persons had done in the past, but my off-handed remark about being a safe ear should he need one had strengthened his resolve in the knowledge that someone cared. He then confided that he was next scheduled to host the topic session, and he hoped he could count on me to "stand up for him." I embraced him, assured him of my support, and began plotting a strategy.